Most people experiencing domestic abuse have probably been asked, “Why don’t you just leave?”
The reality is that escaping to safety requires careful planning and execution. If the perpetrator suspects that you are planning to leave, matters can escalate, resulting in increased danger to you.
We advise you to seek specialist advice that considers your personal circumstances to support you in leaving your partner. We have included further information and contact numbers at the end of this blog.
In addition to seeking specialist help, we recommend considering the following.
Finding a safe place to stay
Your safe place could be:
- The home of a trusted friend or family member who will not pass any information to your partner. Choose a place that your partner doesn’t know, so they cannot trace where you are
- A refuge – Charities might be able to help you find a refuge space and can sometimes arrange for you to travel there for free. More information can be found at the end of this blog
- A home in your local authority – Some local authorities have a legal responsibility to provide housing for anyone experiencing domestic abuse, as they are deemed ‘unintentionally homeless’ in the eyes of the law. This applies to anyone with or without children. You need to apply to the local authority responsible for the area you are fleeing to, which may not be the one you currently reside in. You will need to apply in writing, and the local authority has around three months to decide the outcome of your application. They should place you (and any children) in temporary accommodation such as a bed and breakfast or a refuge until they have reviewed your application
Planning a safe route
You will need to think about where you can find safety and how you will get there without your partner monitoring you. Consider your partner’s daily routine and choose a safe time to leave.
Make sure your partner can’t track your movements and only accept help from people you can trust who won’t disclose your whereabouts if your partner asks them.
If your house has cameras that show the outside you might not want, for example, to use a taxi firm that picks you up from your door as the firm’s details may be visible.
What you need to take with you
If you can create an emergency bag without your partner seeing you or finding it, we recommend it contains:
- Cash
- Documents such as birth and marriage certificates, ID documents, documents relating to tenancy or mortgages, your driving licence, national insurance number card and your passport. Also take copies of any bills that are in your name
- Your keys
- Some clothes
- Any medication
- Your phone(s), a charger and emergency numbers
If possible, you could keep your bag at your safe space or a friend’s house so it is available should you need to leave in a hurry.
Other actions we recommend you take
- Get any important post redirected
- Secure any bank accounts to prevent your partner obtaining credit fraudulently. Credit agencies such as Experian, Equifax and TransUnion can check your credit rating free of charge to find out if there are any debts in your name that you’re not aware of. Take screenshots of any fraudulent attempts and speak to your bank about them
- If you have a joint account with your partner, contact your bank as soon as possible to move money to your own account or withdraw money
Considering ways your partner might track you online
In this increasingly digital-reliant world, it’s important to think about all the ways your partner might be able to find out where you are, read your messages and emails, block you from your accounts or impersonate you.
If you think your abuser might have access to your phone, you could make plans to leave using a friend’s phone or buy a cheap second phone that you keep switched off and hidden when not in use. Make sure you disable emergency alerts to prevent it from sounding, and take it with you when you leave.
Hiding your location
Most devices and apps use your location, and an abusive partner with access to this information may be able to find you.
- Go through your apps and check your location settings are not switched to ‘always’ and toggle ‘precise location’ to off. Please note, turning off location services will not prevent emergency services from being able to find you
- Check your cloud account for apps such as Find My Phone or a photo backup app, which autosaves images taken with your device’s camera
Change your passwords and set up two-factor authentication on:
- Accounts that use your location, such as Netflix or Amazon, keeping in mind that others might be notified of changes if accounts are shared
- Your email account, especially if it is linked to your social media, banking apps or work accounts
- Payment apps, such as PayPal
- Fitness apps, such as those which track jogging routes
- Travel apps, such as Uber or Trainline, which might reveal your destination
- Takeaway and food delivery accounts and apps containing a delivery address
Check that the password recovery details are yours.
Other actions to help you stay safe online
- Remove connections to any linked devices that your partner can access. Delete any online searches related to searching for support, but not your entire browsing history as that might look suspicious when you’re planning to leave
- Think carefully before posting on social media and remove any friends or followers who are connected to your partner
- Create new gaming accounts as these contain billing details and IP addresses
Are you or a family member in immediate danger?
If you or someone else is in immediate danger, please ring 999 and ask for help from the police. Domestic abuse is a crime and will be treated as such.
The Silent Solution
If you need to call 999, but you’re unable to speak because it would put you or someone else in danger, you can use the Silent Solution ideally using a mobile phone.
- If you’re calling from a mobile phone, make yourself heard by coughing or tapping your keypad, then press 55 when prompted to confirm there is a genuine emergency. Your call will be transferred to the police
- If you’re calling from a landline, and the operator can only hear background noise, the call will be transferred to a police handler
Getting help to find safety
Refuge has a 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline that women can call free on 0808 2000 247. Operators will be able to support you to understand your options and help you make an escape plan. They can also tell you about local specialist services and help you find a refuge place.
Men can call Respect Men’s Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday to Friday 10am to 8pm) or ManKind on 0182 3334 244 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm).
If you identify as LGBT+ you can call Galop on 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support.
How AGR Law can help you
Our experienced team can support you if you need legal advice on any type of domestic abuse. Please call us in confidence on 0116 340 0094 or email hello@agrlaw.co.uk