Domestic abuse charity Refuge says that two out of three of their refuge residents are children, and research indicates that 90% will have been in the same room or in a room next to where domestic violence has occurred. 62% will have been directly abused.
Even if a child is not the direct target of the abuse, witnessing it and seeing a loved one being harmed can intensify their feelings of insecurity and fear. This exposure can lead to severe trauma with long-lasting implications.
In addition, children who live in homes where domestic abuse occurs may not receive the care and support they need to develop properly from their parents or caregivers. This lack of support often results from the heavy burden of the abuse, particularly if the victim turns to drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Legally, any child who witnesses or experiences any form of domestic abuse, whether directly or indirectly, is considered to be subjected to child abuse.
What does this mean for a child’s mental health?
The development of a child’s brain can be influenced by positive and negative experiences at key stages, typically 0-5 and 12-25 years. Early experiences play a crucial role in a child’s learning, health and behaviour, and the harmful effects of damaging experiences can cause significant issues as the child matures. Feeling cared for and supported may reduce the harmful effects and promote healthy brain development, but a caregiver who is affected by domestic abuse may be physically and emotionally unable to provide this necessary support.
Development is affected by:
- Interacting – Babies interact with adults by mimicking them and making noises to convey feelings of hunger, illness or that they’re in need of affection. If adults fail to respond, development can be interrupted which has implications for later life
- Stress – Ongoing stress with no or inconsistent support can lead to life-long mental and physical health problems. Some stress can aid development, such as certain social situations or taking an exam, but exposure to domestic abuse can be damaging, especially where there is no support to lessen the affects and help the child to develop coping skills
- Attachment issues – Attachment theory is the name given to the vital bond between a child and their primary caregiver, especially from early infancy. If this is disrupted, the implications can be severe and wide ranging. The child may become aggressive, disconnected from other children and show no interest in playing with toys, fear a parent or become distressed when they are not there, even for a short time. As they get older, they may reject the caregiver’s attempts to connect with them and become unable to develop adult relationships
Recognising mental health problems in children
The psychological effects of domestic abuse can include:
- Aggressive, disruptive, bullying and challenging behaviour
- Anxiety, fear and depression
- Withdrawal and an inability to interact with others
- Mood swings
- Suicidal feelings
- An inability to form a bond with one of more parent or caregiver
- Declining performance at school and truancy
- Harming or threatening to harm pets
- Self-harming and eating disorders
- Difficulty sleeping, nightmares and bedwetting
- Vandalism
- Drug and alcohol abuse
Some signs of mental health issues might be dismissed as normal behaviour, such as young children having tantrums or a teenager being moody and withdrawn, so it’s important to recognise when there is an issue.
Talking to your child about their feelings
Children may feel too ashamed or afraid to talk about domestic abuse, or they might not be able to find the words to describe what they have witnessed or are going through. They may also feel it is normal for families to live like that if they have never known any different, or the abuser may have persuaded them that their situation is typical or that the abuse is their fault and talking about it will make things worse.
Some children bottle their feelings up as they fear they won’t be taken seriously so nobody will help them, or they won’t be believed or understood, so it’s important to approach conversations carefully.
Using language which is appropriate to their age and development is crucial when they’re ready to talk. A child will feel listened to if your language reflects theirs, for example they may say they feel nervous rather than anxious, so you need to do the same.
During conversations, try to:
- Explain why it’s important to have difficult conversations sometimes
- Validate their thoughts and opinions
- Go at their pace
- Not looked shocked, embarrassed or upset
- Admit when you don’t know the answer to a specific question and answer any you can as honestly as is appropriate
- Never promise that you will keep certain aspects they disclose a secret as they may tell you something which you need to report, such as the abuser’s behaviour towards them
- Remind them the abuse is never their fault or the fault of the victim
- Praise them for finding the courage to speak to you to encourage them to talk further. Tell them you love them
- Encourage them to mix with other people to avoid isolation
- Teach them to dial 999 if they’re in danger, but avoid burdening them with adult responsibility
- Remind them it is not their responsibility to protect you, and intervening may be dangerous
- Lead by example and show them you’re seeking help too
Get help to support your child when domestic abuse is occurring
If you or your child are in immediate danger, ring 999 and ask for the police. Domestic abuse is a crime and will be treated as such.
You can also contact the NSPCC on 0808 800 5000 or help@nspcc.org.uk for advice on supporting your child.
Help is also available from Refuge and their team of child support officers.
AGR Law
Our compassionate, experienced team are available to support all aspects of domestic abuse cases, including obtaining a non-molestation order to protect you and your family.
Domestic abuse victims are not required to pay a fee to the court to issue this injunction, and you may be eligible for Legal Aid if your income is low and your circumstances meet the qualification criteria.
Contact us on hello@agrlaw.co.uk or 0116 340 0094 to find out more.